Hello it's me, a lifelong hater/recovering pessimist.
What does optimism even mean? For me it means always looking for a way. A way to ___ (win, succeed, help, move forward, try, imagine...) Really, it means some sort of built up faith in the idea that there is always a way through. If the idea of 'optimism' makes you sort of want to vomit, entertain me anyway. It's only sort of maybe not really a guide, but here are my personal beliefs on optimism:
For the love of god, DON'T pay attention to the optimism of people that you think are stupid, or grifters, or evil, or naïve. Do not let them be the face of optimism. They do not own it.
Find people who you think are thoughtful, good, know things, and are still somehow 'optimistic'. They might not be in your immediate vicinity! Go look for them. These are usually the people still doing something that might be considered positive in the world. Follow them like different shining, colorful beacons of light. Ask them questions.
Optimism is not something that can or should be forced upon you.
The truth of the bad things in the world and your own suffering are not invalidated by trying to take the necessary action to reduce them.
Only you can actually be a perfect witness to your own suffering. You are really the only witness that matters, that can extend true all-encompassing knowing. Eventually, you are the only person who can give yourself permission to keep moving. So try to start looking there, instead of in other people, if you can. Witnessing is sacred and takes time, and is a necessary step for compassionate action, no matter what other people might say.
If you care about getting things done, being helpful, and alleviating the suffering of yourself and others, you will eventually have to find something in yourself which is not pure pessimism, which negotiates with the present reality, the future, and uncertainty. It is something that is very humble, because it acknowledges that not everything has gone to plan. We should continue imperfectly, nonetheless. It sort of feels like going to a school field trip, and wetting your pants, but having a good time anyway.
There is something to "manifesting", or at least imagination. Surely it is pretty hard for one person -- let alone a group, or a world -- to move towards something new if we haven't been able to even imagine it yet. You can only imagine things if you can at least, for a moment, believe that it could be possible. There's something that has always resonated with me in the saying, "Another world is in our heart."
Choosing to delusionally believe in yourself and others gives us all permission to live up to that dream.
The future is simply not, and can't be, an exact repeat of the past. Even if 100% of the data you have from the past has been repeated, you can't for sure say that things will go the same way next time.
Our bias is towards certainty, solid ground, and black and white thinking. Modernity has made it easy to see that perfect-seeming reality often has hidden flaws -- like a shopping mall. But villains and big bads often have a more complex reality as well. Most people are pretty nice, and have predictable, similar biases and preferences, which they struggle against to various degrees. Bad terrible things in the world still arise out of groups of these nice and normal people, not because 30% of people are secretly evil, bad psychopaths.
Most of all, even if the odds are bad, life is not all about odds. The future is fundamentally something that we all write together. Our world is molded by what we all decide is important to us. What happens next depends on our decisions right now.
YOU ARE REALLY BAD AT PREDICTING THE FUTURE, because you have incomplete information, and you can't even get that information in your head. You need to try first to know what's possible. Notice when your own negative predictions are wrong. Check yourself every time you start to give up hope mid-strive and act defensively, bracing for failure. Just when you're about to give up -- when you'd bet a 100 bucks it's no use, try working extra hard to make sure you succeed instead. Notice if and when you actually do succeed -- when failure seemed so sure just moments ago. Notice this, write it down. If you really care about truth and being accurate, and being real, then you should get to know this intimately.
Build the muscle of trying, doing, and beginning things you just straight up don't believe will succeed. Act before feeling sure. You don't actually need to have a good feeling about something to act.
The more you practice in this stuff, the more optimism shows itself to be an effective thing that actually delivers concrete results. The more results you see, the more you will eventually have faith in this general pattern. It's a muscle you can exercise and build.
If you worry about being optimistic around people who would rather be pessimistic, well, try not to, for two reasons:
1) It sounds simple, but people like good things. They like positive things. People don't like bad things. They don't like negative energy. I used to hate this, and think it's wrong, (get real! You're all just seeing what you want to see!) but people following what they want to be true isn't all bad. It just might be the thing that helps us build the world we want. A positive vision for a future is a powerful force that -- if it's truly good enough -- other people will rally behind. When you're in a place or movement that does this, it feels like the power of a whole ocean suddenly swelling. "We want a good world! We don't want to suffer! We don't want others to suffer!"
2) If someone else is pessimistic -- remember again that optimism cannot be forced upon someone. That just feels terrible. All children hopefully start out optimistic, and the world takes that away from us. A deeply jaded person is often someone who has a lot of inner idealism. Often there is a wound, and wounds are nothing to be ashamed of. You should never shame a victim of the world--and we all are victims of the world. It is good to be a witness of other people's suffering, and at the same time, everyone is on their own journey, and they alone can be their own ultimate witness. This takes time, and you can't walk their path for them. But you can hope to be a compassionate companion.
Always question how much agency you really have to steer your life. It's always more than you think. Maybe you're making considered sacrifices and trade offs, and that's fine -- but think about what assumptions underlie them. Usually there's some real bs in there. Usually there's fear, and negative things other people told you. Do you even know if they're real? Again, if you care about truth, and reality, you need to make these things conscious and question them.
People always say this, but practice gratitude. Not in an icky way, because someone told you to. Don't let your mean parent who said that you should be grateful for them be the face of gratitude. They don't own this concept, and asking someone else to be grateful to you is a very different thing (an exasperated plea for acknowledgement?) than an internal process. Gratitude is not just for display, or to tell others. It's also to thank yourself for getting yourself here. It's something you can give yourself for free.
I'm sure there's more, but I got sleepy.
I've been working on my deep, deep pessimism for the past 6 years or so. Back then, I came across Seligman's optimism survey. I took it, and scored so pessimistically that there was nothing even written about that range. I guess it was below what they thought anyone could ever answer. This wasn't a horrible thing about me -- it stemmed from my sensitivity to the world, my hopes being very different than reality, and the very very real limitations that were placed on my life.
Then, I read Pema Chodron's book, The Places That Scare You. For a short while I could feel radical acceptance of my emotions after reading and meditating with it rigorously. It remains one of the most important books to me, and I highly recommend it.
But life continued and I really got twisted up into bitter knots again -- by intensely tough work in which I would be subjected to little bits of disrespect and shame here and there. On top of this, the genocide in Gaza, losing my grandpa, quitting my job, a violent and manic roommate, depression, they all sort of kicked my ass for a moment.
At some point about 2 years ago, I tried very hard to become a "recovering pessimist." It felt borderline criminal at first, wholly disgusting. I felt like I was denying my own truth -- which was a truth of suffering, disappointment, and a lack of control. I worked on it, with other people at my side constantly challenging me. A lot of crash outs together, talking it through, arguing. I had to wade through all of this, the back and forth within myself like a shouting match. I only got here by being challenged by other real people, and getting mad, and sometimes even crying and storming out of the room. A weird amount of exercising. And then finally, landing some stability and a psychologically safe environment.
A lot went into it, and I'm sure it wouldn't look the same for anyone else. I also am not just, a totally optimistic person. I haven't changed my whole personality. But I believe in it sort of as the only place left to turn. Optimism is a practical matter. It's the one place left to go after you've exhausted all the other options. It's hand in hand with material and social stability, but I feel better now, and like I have more capacity to help others. I even have more capacity to challenge others, too. Surprisingly, it deepens my commitment to truth.
Ok, good night!